Honestly I feel I am the luckiest person in the entire world because I am blessed in so many ways. Actually I should finish writing this post right now but unfrtunately I can’t.
That being said there have been many moments in my life when I doubted in the meaning of these very powerful words. I blamed myself for many things, among others for not being the same as other people. I know it sounds ridiculous. I know that now. I really thought that I should be like my friends, feel the same, wear the same clothes, think the same way, go in the same direction. There was no room for personality, so I thought. When I was 18 I remember laying in my bed and looking at the stars and feeling misplaced. I grow up in the village where the most beautiful view was the sky full of stars. It was one of the very few moments of my teenage life when I felt good and important. My home was my shelter. It has been bombarded from time to time with the strongest weapon by the closest people but I survived.
I guess I have always felt ‘different’, always so very sensitive. I didn’t undestand me, I didn’t know me, I didn’t see me. Others created a picture of me and I accepted it as the true. I knew a lot knowledgewise because I did what was expected of me which was to be the perfect student. I have always come home with straight A’s. However all that knowledge in the world didn’t help me to understand my own feelings which as time went by, started growing bigger and stronger in my heart. Therefore observing myself has always been the most stressful of all the jobs I have done in my life. Time and time again was I able to convince myself that I was the best I could be, that I wouldn’t get any better, nicer, smarter, prettier. Many times I asked myself the same question, why me? Now I understand that I needed to go through all the sad moments because they allowed me to grow as a person. How grateful I am for everything that has happened in my life and for all the people that I met. To all of you out there who I met throughout the years, I would love to say thank you! You have done an amazing job. You all were my teachers. You let me be a better human being!
My road to happiness has been very bumpy but it’s much easier now. I don’t even know when my life started changing direction. Difficult to pin point one specific moment. It takes time to be an aware and observant human being. I needed 36 years, however I am happy where I am today, who I am today and who I am with.
The biggest credit for my transformation I give to my husband of 2 years. If it wasn’t for him, his character, passion and wisdom I don’t know where I would be today. We met in 2005, got together in 2009 and got married in 2014. On the 6th of September was our 2nd wedding unniversary. My husband is my rock and my love. He deserves a separate article and who knows maybe one day I will write about him. I don’t want to sound cheesy but I would like to thank him for everything from the depth of my heart. He showed me the most beautiful love there is which is love for an other human being.
May our life be happy, passionate and long because we deserve it:)